[Midnightbsd-cvs] src [11902] update
laffer1 at midnightbsd.org
laffer1 at midnightbsd.org
Tue Jul 17 21:05:25 EDT 2018
Revision: 11902
http://svnweb.midnightbsd.org/src/?rev=11902
Author: laffer1
Date: 2018-07-17 21:05:25 -0400 (Tue, 17 Jul 2018)
Log Message:
-----------
update
Modified Paths:
--------------
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes.sp.ok
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
Added Paths:
-----------
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick.sp.ok
Property Changed:
----------------
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes.sp.ok
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
Modified: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile
===================================================================
--- trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile 2018-07-18 01:01:49 UTC (rev 11901)
+++ trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile 2018-07-18 01:05:25 UTC (rev 11902)
@@ -1,43 +1,22 @@
# @(#)Makefile 8.2 (Berkeley) 4/19/94
-# $FreeBSD: src/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile,v 1.33 2005/02/03 00:20:36 ru Exp $
-# $MidnightBSD: src/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile,v 1.3 2007/07/19 07:54:18 laffer1 Exp $
+# $MidnightBSD$
-FILES= fortunes murphy startrek zippy
-BLDS= fortunes.dat murphy.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat \
- fortunes-o fortunes-o.dat
+DB= fortunes murphy startrek zippy
-# Pass all new entries by ${MAINTAINER} to preserve some semblance of
-# humor in the fortune files. What's funny to you on 6 beers may not
-# be funny to anyone else.
-MAINTAINER= laffer1
-
# TO AVOID INSTALLING THE POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE FORTUNES, COMMENT OUT THE
-# THREE LINES AND UNCOMMENT THE FOURTH LINE.
+# NEXT LINE.
+DB+= limerick murphy-o gerrold.limerick
-# THE THREE LINES:
-FILES+= fortunes2-o limerick murphy-o gerrold.limerick
-BLDS+= fortunes2-o.dat limerick.dat murphy-o.dat gerrold.limerick.dat
-TYPE= real
-
-# THE FOURTH LINE:
-#TYPE= fake
-
-FILES+= ${BLDS}
+BLDS= ${DB:S/$/.dat/}
+FILES= ${DB} ${BLDS}
CLEANFILES+=${BLDS}
FILESDIR= ${SHAREDIR}/games/fortune
-.for f in fortunes fortunes2-o gerrold.limerick limerick murphy murphy-o startrek zippy
+.for f in ${DB}
$f.dat: $f
PATH=$$PATH:/usr/games:${.OBJDIR}/../strfile \
strfile -Cs ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
.endfor
-fortunes-o.dat: fortunes-o
- PATH=$$PATH:/usr/games:${.OBJDIR}/../strfile \
- strfile -Csx ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
-
-fortunes-o: fortunes-o.${TYPE}
- LC_ALL=C tr a-zA-Z n-za-mN-ZA-M < ${.ALLSRC} > ${.TARGET}
-
.include <bsd.prog.mk>
Modified: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
===================================================================
--- trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes 2018-07-18 01:01:49 UTC (rev 11901)
+++ trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes 2018-07-18 01:05:25 UTC (rev 11902)
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
This fortune brought to you by:
-$MidnightBSD: src/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes,v 1.2 2007/07/17 10:10:12 laffer1 Exp $
+$MidnightBSD$
%
=======================================================================
|| ||
@@ -570,7 +570,7 @@
the verb. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek
viable alternatives.
%
- 1/2
+ 1/3
/\(3)
| 2 1/3
| z dz cos(3 * PI / 9) = ln (e )
@@ -578,7 +578,7 @@
\/ 1
The integral of z squared, dz
-From 1 to the square root of 3
+From 1 to the cube root of 3
Times the cosine
Of 3 PI over nine
Is the log of the cube root of e
@@ -773,40 +773,6 @@
"What do you think?" said the first ranger.
"The Czech is in the male," replied the second.
%
- A group of soldiers being prepared for a practice landing on a tropical
-island were warned of the one danger the island held, a poisonous snake that
-could be readily identified by its alternating orange and black bands. They
-were instructed, should they find one of these snakes, to grab the tail end of
-the snake with one hand and slide the other hand up the body of the snake to
-the snake's head. Then, forcefully, bend the thumb above the snake's head
-downward to break the snake's spine. All went well for the landing, the
-charge up the beach, and the move into the jungle. At one foxhole site, two
-men were starting to dig and wondering what had happened to their partner.
-Suddenly he staggered out of the underbrush, uniform in shreds, covered with
-blood. He collapsed to the ground. His buddies were so shocked they could
-only blurt out, "What happened?"
- "I ran from the beachhead to the edge of the jungle, and, as I hit the
-ground, I saw an orange and black striped snake right in front of me. I
-grabbed its tail end with my left hand. I placed my right hand above my left
-hand. I held firmly with my left hand and slid my right hand up the body of
-the snake. When I reached the head of the snake I flicked my right thumb down
-to break the snake's spine... did you ever goose a tiger?"
-%
- A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved
-dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his
-brother and inquires after his pet.
- "Your dog's dead," replies his brother bluntly.
- The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me,"
-he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way
-of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got
-outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a
-corner...' or something...? Why are you always so thoughtless?"
- "Look, I'm sorry," said his brother, "I guess I just didn't think."
- "Okay, okay, let's just put it behind us. How are you anyway?
-How's Mom?"
- His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
-outside one day..."
-%
A hard-luck actor who appeared in one colossal disaster after another
finally got a break, a broken leg to be exact. Someone pointed out that it's
the first time the poor fellow's been in the same cast for more than a week.
@@ -1137,12 +1103,6 @@
The Pole pulls a bottle of vodka from the other side of his jacket.
He smiles and replies, "Five men on one bottle -- too many."
%
- A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon
-two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what
-I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man".
- As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well,
-he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
-%
A program should be light and agile, its subroutines connected like a
strings of pearls. The spirit and intent of the program should be retained
throughout. There should be neither too little nor too much, neither needless
@@ -1361,16 +1321,6 @@
-- Grendel Briarton "Through Time & Space With Ferdinand
Feghoot!"
%
- After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
-earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
-minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
- "No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
-name for my baby."
- "But the hospital supplies a special booklet that lists hundreds
-of first names and their meanings," said the orderly.
- "That won't help," said the woman, "my baby already has a first
-name."
-%
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and
how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the
graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School.
@@ -1470,26 +1420,6 @@
The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
-- Frederick Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man-Month"
%
- An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her
-porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps. She
-picks it up, rubs it gently, and lo and behold a genie appears! The genie
-tells the woman the he will grant her any three wishes her heart desires.
- After a bit of thought, she says, "I wish I were young and
-beautiful!" And POOF! In a cloud of smoke she becomes a young, beautiful,
-voluptuous woman.
- After a little more thought, she says, "I would like to be rich
-for the rest of my life." And POOF! When the smoke clears, there are
-stacks and stacks of money lying on the porch.
- The genie then says, "Now, madam, what is your final wish?"
- "Well," says the woman, "I would like for you to transform my
-faithful old cat, whom I have loved dearly for fifteen years, into a young
-handsome prince!"
- And with another billow of smoke the cat is changed into a tall,
-handsome, young man, with dark hair, dressed in a dashing uniform.
- As they gaze at each other in adoration, the prince leans over to
-the woman and whispers into her ear, "Now, aren't you sorry you had me
-fixed?"
-%
An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat
is severely rationed). When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and
announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage.
@@ -1552,14 +1482,6 @@
up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind."
-- R. L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly"
%
- "Anything else, sir?" asked the attentive bellhop, trying his best
-to make the lady and gentleman comfortable in their penthouse suite in the
-posh hotel.
- "No. No, thank you," replied the gentleman.
- "Anything for your wife, sir?" the bellhop asked.
- "Why, yes, young man," said the gentleman. "Would you bring me
-a postcard?"
-%
"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
@@ -1932,34 +1854,10 @@
The question is, what did the archbishop find?"
%
- Four Oxford dons were taking their evening walk together and as
-usual, were engaged in casual but learned conversation. On this particular
-evening, their conversation was about the names given to groups of animals,
-such as a "pride of lions" or a "gaggle of geese."
- One of the professors noticed a group of prostitutes down the block,
-and posed the question, "What name would be given to that group?" The four
-fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities...
- At last, one spoke: "How about `a Jam of Tarts'?" The others nodded
-in acknowledgment as they continued to consider the problem. A second
-professor spoke: "I'd suggest `an Essay of Trollops.'" Again, the others
-nodded. A third spoke: "I propose `a Flourish of Strumpets.'"
- They continued their walk in silence, until the first professor
-remarked to the remaining professor, who was the most senior and learned of
-the four, "You haven't suggested a name for our ladies. What are your
-thoughts?"
- Replied the fourth professor, "`An Anthology of Prose.'"
-%
Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance.
"What happened?"
"I was struck by the beauty of the place."
%
- Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
-engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
-was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
-and sarcastic?"
- "Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
- "Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."
-%
"Gee, Mudhead, everyone at Morse Science High has an
extracurricular activity except you."
"Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?"
@@ -1966,18 +1864,6 @@
"Only to ten, Mudhead."
-- The Firesign Theatre
%
- "Gentlemen of the jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning
-to warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall this
-beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
-dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
-apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours
-in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?"
-%
- God decided to take the devil to court and settle their
-differences once and for all.
- When Satan heard of this, he grinned and said, "And just
-where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
-%
Graduating seniors, parents and friends...
Let me begin by reassuring you that my remarks today will stand up
to the most stringent requirements of the new appropriateness.
@@ -2050,33 +1936,6 @@
Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
- Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home
-from the club to an irate, ranting wife.
- "I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You
-promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost
-nine. It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."
- "Honey, wait," said Harry. "Let me explain. I know what I promised
-you, but I have a very good reason for being late. Fred and I tee'd off
-right on time and everything was find for the first three holes. Then, on
-the fourth tee Fred had a stroke. I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't
-find a doctor. And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead. So, for
-the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
-%
- Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism.
-No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have
-been worse."
- To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a
-situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no
-hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
-"Harry! Did you hear what happened to George? He came home last night,
-found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
-the gun on himself!"
- "Terrible," said Harry. "But it could have been worse."
- "How in hell," demanded his dumbfounded friend, "could it possibly
-have been worse?"
- "Well," said Harry, "if it had happened the night before, I'd be
-dead right now."
-%
"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
"Yes; I don't have one."
"Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."
@@ -2112,13 +1971,6 @@
without darkening me.
-- Thomas Jefferson on patents on ideas
%
- "Heard you were moving your piano, so I came over to help."
- "Thanks. Got it upstairs already."
- "Do it alone?"
- "Nope. Hitched the cat to it."
- "How would that help?"
- "Used a whip."
-%
"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?"
"Whattaya need?"
"Oh, about $500."
@@ -2182,11 +2034,6 @@
social climber said to her roommate. "I mean, I've never seen a Porsche
full of money before."
%
- "How'd you get that flat?"
- "Ran over a bottle."
- "Didn't you see it?"
- "Damn kid had it under his coat."
-%
Human thinking can skip over a great deal, leap over small
misunderstandings, can contain ifs and buts in untroubled corners of
the mind. But the machine has no corners. Despite all the attempts to
@@ -2199,11 +2046,6 @@
The ways of human and machine understanding are disjunct.
-- Ellen Ullman, "Close to the Machine"
%
- "I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into
-the phone. "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
- "Who was that?" his young wife asked.
- "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."
-%
"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a
quavering voice.
"No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of
@@ -2496,11 +2338,6 @@
would destroy the whole point of it."
-- Thomas Pynchon, "The Crying of Lot 49"
%
- "I'm looking for adventure, excitement, beautiful women," cried the
-young man to his father as he prepared to leave home. "Don't try to stop me.
-I'm on my way."
- "Who's trying to stop you?" shouted the father. "Take me along!"
-%
I'm sure that VMS is completely documented, I just haven't found the
right manual yet. I've been working my way through the manuals in the document
library and I'm half way through the second cabinet, (3 shelves to go), so I
@@ -2558,20 +2395,6 @@
been an efficiency expert?
-- Motor Trend, May 1983
%
- In the beginning, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
-mud."
- And there was mud.
- And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud
-can see what we have done."
- And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was
-man. Mud-as-man alone could speak.
- "What is the purpose of all this?" man asked politely.
- "Everything must have a purpose?" asked God.
- "Certainly," said man.
- "Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God.
- And He went away.
- -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., "Between Time and Timbuktu"
-%
In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and
null, and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of
IBM was moving over the face of the market. And DEC said, "Let there
@@ -2926,11 +2749,6 @@
earth really does revolve about the sun.
-- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man"
%
- "My mother," said the sweet young steno, "says there are some things
-a girl should not do before twenty."
- "Your mother is right," said the executive, "I don't like a large
-audience, either."
-%
NEW YORK -- Kraft Foods, Inc. announced today that its board of
directors unanimously rejected the $11 billion takeover bid by Philip
Morris and Co. A Kraft spokesman stated in a press conference that the
@@ -3727,14 +3545,6 @@
improve ...
-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
%
- "That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a
-sympathetic pal seated next to him in a bar.
- "How do you know?" the friend asked.
- "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where
-she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley."
- "So?"
- "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley."
-%
"That's right; the upper-case shift works fine on the screen, but
they're not coming out on the damn printer... Hold? Sure, I'll hold."
-- e. e. cummings last service call
@@ -3768,13 +3578,6 @@
got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she said. "I'm leaving Friday anyway.
%
- The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough
-physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said,
-"is give up drinking, give up smoking, get to bed early and stay away
-from women."
- "Doc, I don't deserve the best," pleaded his patient. "What's
-second best?"
-%
The FIELD GUIDE to NORTH AMERICAN MALES
SPECIES: Cranial Males
@@ -3889,22 +3692,6 @@
reckoned with.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
- The honeymooning couple agreed it was a fine day for horseback riding.
-After a mile or so, the bride's mount cantered under a low tree and a
-branch scraped her forehead lightly. The groom dismounted, glared at his
-wife's horse, and said, "That's number one."
- The ride then proceeded. After another mile or so, the bride's
-horse stumbled over a pebble and the lady suffered a slight jostling.
-Again, her man leapt from his saddle and strode over to the nervous animal.
-"That's two," he said.
- Five miles later, the bride's horse became frightened when a rabbit
-crossed its path, reared up and threw the girl. Immediately, the groom was
-off his horse. "That's three!", he shouted, and, pulling out a pistol, he
-shot the horse between the eyes.
- "You brute!" shrieked his bride. "Now I see the kind of man I
-married! You're a sadist, that's what!"
- The groom turned to her coolly. "That's one," he said.
-%
"The jig's up, Elman."
"Which jig?"
-- Jeff Elman
@@ -4349,29 +4136,6 @@
spread only for demons or for gods."
-- Gordon R. Dickson, "Soldier Ask Not"
%
- "They spend years searching for their natural parents, convinced their
-parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone
-being happy to see an orphan? Nobody wants them... that's why they're orphans!"
- The speaker is Anne Baker, founder and guiding force behind
-Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the
-whereabouts of their natural parents. She is a woman with a mission:
- "Basically, what we do is band together to exchange information
-about which orphans are looking for which parents in what part of the
-country. We're completely computerized.
- "The idea is to throw the orphans as many red herrings and false
-leads as possible. We'll tell some twenty-three-year-old loser that his
-real parents can be found at a certain address on the other side of the
-country. Well, by the time the kid shows up, the family is prepared. They
-look over the kid's photos and information and they say, 'Oh, the Emersons...
-yeah, they used to live here... I think they moved out about five years ago.
-I think they went to Iowa, or maybe Idaho.'
- "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.
-He's got nothing to go on but the orphan's pathetic determination to continue.
- "It's really amazing how much these kids will put up with. Last year
-we even sent one kid all the way to Australia. I mean, really. Besides, if
-your natural parents were Australian, would you want to meet them?"
- -- "National Lampoon", September, 1984
-%
This is where the bloodthirsty license agreement is supposed to go,
explaining that Interactive EasyFlow is a copyrighted package licensed for
use by a single person, and sternly warning you not to pirate copies of it
@@ -4683,13 +4447,6 @@
more satisfactory to me than the opaque vogue word "empathy".
-- Alistair Cooke, "Six Men"
%
- "What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you
-didn't believe in God".
- "I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the
-God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's
-not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be".
- -- Joseph Heller
-%
"What was the worst thing you've ever done?"
"I won't tell you that, but I'll tell you the worst thing that
ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."
@@ -4806,20 +4563,6 @@
the section marked "DEDUCTIONS," Rogers listed: "Bad debt, US Government
-- $40,000."
%
- With deep concern, if not alarm, Dick noted that his friend
-Conrad was drunker than he'd ever seen him before. "What's the trouble,
-buddy?", he asked, sliding onto the stool next to his friend.
- "It's a woman, Dick," Conrad replied.
- "I guessed that much. Tell me about it."
- "I can't," Conrad said. But after a few more drinks his tongue
-and resolution both seemed to weaken and, turning to his buddy, he said,
-"Okay. It's your wife."
- "My wife!!"
- "Yeah."
- "What about her?"
- Conrad pondered the question heavily, and draped his arm around
-his pal. "Well, buddy-boy," he said, "I'm afraid she's cheating on us."
-%
Work Hard.
Rock Hard.
Eat Hard.
@@ -4942,25 +4685,37 @@
"That stop him?"
"No, but it sure slowed him up."
%
- Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind; it is a temper of
-the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, a predominance
-of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over love of ease.
- Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people grow
-old only by deserting their ideals. Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up
-enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear, and despair
--- these are the long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit
-back to dust.
- Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart the love
-of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and the starlike things and
-thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike appetite
-for what next, and the joy and the game of life.
- You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your
-self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your
-despair.
- So long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer, courage,
-grandeur and power from the earth, from man, and from the Infinite, so long
-you are young.
- -- Samuel Ullman
+ Youth is not a time of life--it is a state of mind. It is not a
+matter of red cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a temper of the
+will; a quality of the imagination; a vigor of the emotions; it is a
+freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a tempermental
+predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure
+over a life of ease. This often exists in a man of fifty, more than in
+a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years;
+people grow old by deserting their ideals.
+
+ Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles
+the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair--these are the
+long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit back to
+dust.
+
+ Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart a
+love of wonder; the sweet amazement at the stars and starlike things and
+thoughts; the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike
+appetite for what comes next, and the joy in the game of life.
+
+ You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young
+as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as
+old as your despair.
+
+ In the central place of your heart there is a wireless station.
+So long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, grandeur,
+courage, and power from the earth, from men and from the Infinite--so
+long are you young. When the wires are all down and the central places
+of your heart are covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of
+cynicism, then are you grown old, indeed!
+ -- Samuel Ullman, "Youth" (1934), as published in
+ The Silver Treasury, Prose and Verse for Every Mood
%
" "
-- Charlie Chaplin
@@ -6581,9 +6336,6 @@
a shilling. "Only a shilling?" exclaimed the man. "Only a shilling to bury
an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty of them."
%
-A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
- -- Klipstein
-%
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
%
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
@@ -6650,17 +6402,6 @@
%
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
%
-A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.
-%
-A fisherman from Maine went to Alabama on his vacation. He rented a boat,
-rowed out to the middle of the lake, and cast his line, but when he looked
-down into the water he was horrified to see a man wrapped in chains lying
-on the bottom of the lake. He quickly rowed to shore and ran to the police
-station. "Sheriff, sheriff," he gasped, there's a guy wrapped in chains,
-drowned in the lake!"
- "Now ain't that jest like a Yankee," drawled the sheriff, "to steal
-more chain than he can swim with?"
-%
A fitter fits; Though sinners sin
A cutter cuts; And thinners thin
And an aircraft spotter spots; And paper-blotters blot
@@ -6685,11 +6426,6 @@
%
A fool and his money are soon popular.
%
-A fool and your money are soon partners.
-%
-A fool is a man who worries about whether or not his lover has integrity.
-A wise man, on the other hand, busies himself with deeper attributes.
-%
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
@@ -6732,8 +6468,6 @@
A friend of mine won't get a divorce, because he hates
lawyers more than he hates his wife.
%
-A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
-%
A full belly makes a dull brain.
-- Benjamin Franklin
@@ -6797,9 +6531,6 @@
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
-- Dorothy Parker
%
-A girl's conscience doesn't really keep her from doing anything wrong--
-it merely keeps her from enjoying it.
-%
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like
a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
%
@@ -7090,27 +6821,6 @@
actually easier to program in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
%
-A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in
-the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska. He drove for three days
-and three nights to get there and finally he came to what looked like the state
-line. He halted his car and walked up to the border guard. "Hi, there! How
-do I become a resident of this here biggest state?" demanded the Texan.
- The guard looked him up and down and grinned. "Waal," he answered,
-there are three things you gotta do to get in. First, drink down a quart of
-110 proof corn liquor without blinkin'. Second, kill a grizzly bear, and
-third, make love to an Eskimo woman."
- "Sounds easy enough," said the Texan. "Where can I get a quart of
-this here corn liquor?"
- "Got one right here," replied the guard.
- The Texan gulped down the whiskey without batting an eyelash.
-"Now, do you happen to know where I can find me a grizzly?"
- "Yep," answered the guard, "there's a big b'ar over that way, 'bout
-a mile... lives in a cave on that cliff."
- The Texan lurched merrily off. About an hour later he returned
-with his clothes almost torn off and his face scratched and bloody. He was
-smiling happily. "Now," he roared, "where's that damn Eskimo woman you
-want killed?"
-%
A large number of installed systems work by fiat.
That is, they work by being declared to work.
-- Anatol Holt
@@ -7218,9 +6928,6 @@
and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.
-- Lew Col
%
-A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all.
- -- Thomas Hardy
-%
A major, with wonderful force,
Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.
All the flowers looked round,
@@ -7227,24 +6934,10 @@
But no horse could be found;
So he just rhododendron, of course.
%
-A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
- -- Carrie Snow
-%
-A man always needs to remember one thing about
-a beautiful woman. Somewhere, somebody's tired of her.
-%
A man always remembers his first love with special
tenderness, but after that begins to bunch them.
-- H. L. Mencken
%
-A man arrived home early to find his wife in the arms of his best friend,
-who swore how much they were in love. To quiet the enraged husband, the
-lover suggested, "Friends shouldn't fight, let's play gin rummy. If I win,
-you get a divorce so I can marry her. If you win, I promise never to see
-her again. Okay?"
- "Alright," agreed the husband. "But how about a quarter a point
-on the side to make it interesting?"
-%
A man can have two, maybe three love affairs while he's married. After
that it's cheating.
-- Yves Montand
@@ -7381,9 +7074,6 @@
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds
will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
%
-A man who likes to lie in bed can usually
-find a girl willing to listen to him.
-%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%
A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.
@@ -7391,12 +7081,8 @@
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never quite sure.
%
-A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
-%
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
%
-A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
-%
A man would still do something out of sheer perversity - he would create
destruction and chaos - just to gain his point... and if all this could in
turn be analyzed and prevented by predicting that it would occur, then man
@@ -7581,33 +7267,6 @@
A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
%
-A New Yorker is riding down the road in his new Mercedes. So intent is he
-on the cocaine in his hand he completely misses a turn and his car plunges
-over the five-hundred-foot cliff to be smashed into pieces at the bottom.
-As the on-lookers rush to the edge of the cliff they see him fifty feet
-from the top of the cliff clinging to a stunted bush with all his strength.
-"Dear Lord," he prays, "I never asked you for nothin' before, but I'm askin'
-you now: Save me, Lord, save me."
- Booms the Lord: "LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
- "But Lord, if I do that, I'll fall!"
- "TRUST ME, LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
- "But Lord, I'm gonna fall and die..."
- "TRUST ME TO SAVE YOU. LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
- Okay, Lord, I'll trust you, here I... here I go!" And he falls
-to his death.
- "DUMB YANKEE."
-%
-A New Yorker was driving through Berkeley when he saw a big crowd gathered
-by the side of the street. Curiosity got the better of him and he leaned
-out of his window to ask an onlooker what was going on. The fellow explained
-that a protestor against the U.S. position in South America had doused
-himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. "That's terrible," gasped
-the man. "But why is everyone still standing around?"
- "Well, they're taking up a collection for his wife and kids," the
-onlooker explained. "Would you be willing to help?"
- "Well, sure," replied the New Yorker. "I suppose I could spare a
-gallon or two."
-%
A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
-- Arthure "Bugs" Baer
%
@@ -7672,12 +7331,6 @@
manufacturers for whom patriotic terrors are an abundant source of gain.
-- Anatole France
%
-A perfectly honest woman, a woman who never flatters, who never manages,
-who never cajoles, who never conceals, who never uses her eyes, who never
-speculates on the effect which she produces, who never is conscious of
-unspoken admiration, what a monster, I say, would such a female be!
- -- Thackeray
-%
A person forgives only when they are in the wrong.
%
A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
@@ -7782,8 +7435,6 @@
of yours to press against my heart.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%
-A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
-%
A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
%
@@ -7869,23 +7520,6 @@
to make a travesty of the game.
-- Donald A. Metz
%
-A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans
-over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?"
- The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a
-Bishop."
- "Well, could you get any higher than that?"
- "I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I
-might be made an Archbishop."
- "Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
- "If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
- "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
- Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
-be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
- "And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
-up from being the Pope?"
- "What?! I should be the Messiah himself?!"
- The rabbi leaned back and smiled. "One of our boys made it."
-%
A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results
blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
@@ -7900,17 +7534,6 @@
his neighbor notice it.
-- Trygve Lie
%
-A real estate agent, looking over a farmer's house for possible sale,
-commented to the farmer how sturdy the house looked.
- The farmer replied, "Yep, built it with my bare hands... did it
-the hard way. The steps to the front door, here, carved 'em out of
-field stones... did it the hard way. That hardwood floor in the living
-room, dovetailed the pieces myself... did it the hard way. The ceiling
-beams, made 'em out of my own oak trees... did it the hard way."
- Just then, the farmer's gorgeous daughter walked in. The farmer
-looks over at the real estate agent who is trying not to stare too
-obviously and smiles. "Yep... standing up in a canoe."
-%
A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away.
A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
%
@@ -8168,8 +7791,6 @@
%
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
%
-A stunning blonde, but probably all bean dip above the eyebrows.
-%
A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
-- S. C. Johnson
@@ -8306,12 +7927,6 @@
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
%
-A very intelligent turtle
-Found programming UNIX a hurdle
- The system, you see,
- Ran as slow as did he,
-And that's not saying much for the turtle.
-%
A violent man will die a violent death.
-- Lao Tsu
%
@@ -8339,9 +7954,6 @@
These are great mysteries.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
-A widow is more sought after than an old maid of the same age.
- -- Addison
-%
A wise man can see more from a mountain top
than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
%
@@ -8370,27 +7982,14 @@
were quite a struggle.
-- Edna Ferber
%
-A woman can never be too rich or too thin.
-%
A woman did what a woman had to, the best way she knew how.
To do more was impossible, to do less, unthinkable.
-- Dirisha, "The Man Who Never Missed"
%
-A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.
- -- Scott
-%
A woman, especially if she have the misfortune
of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
-- Jane Austen
%
-A woman forgives the audacity of which
-her beauty has prompted us to be guilty.
- -- LeSage
-%
-A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be
-thankful for a good one.
- -- Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
-%
A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her,
she follows.
-- Chamfort
@@ -8568,7 +8167,7 @@
%
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases
great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
Absence in love is like water upon fire;
a little quickens, but much extinguishes it.
@@ -8642,11 +8241,6 @@
ACCEPTANCE TESTING:
An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.
%
-Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
-religion; rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
-Western science.
- -- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
-%
Accident, n.:
A condition in which presence of mind is good,
but absence of body is better.
@@ -8981,8 +8575,6 @@
cost to others, to win advancement.
-- Norman Thomas
%
-After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
-%
After living in New York, you trust nobody,
but you believe everything. Just in case.
%
@@ -9523,7 +9115,7 @@
%
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
-- Grant Wood
@@ -10494,13 +10086,13 @@
Antonio Antonio
Was tired of living alonio
He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio
-Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio
+Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode off on his polo ponio
Miss Lucamy Lucy Molonio. And found the maid
In a bowery shade,
Sitting and knitting alonio.
Antonio Antonio
Said if you will be my ownio
-I'll love tou true Oh nonio Antonio
+I'll love you true Oh nonio Antonio
And buy for you You're far too bleak and bonio
An icery creamry conio. And all that I wish
You singular fish
@@ -10509,7 +10101,7 @@
Uttered a dismal moanio
And went off and hid
Or I'm told that he did
-In the Antartical Zonio.
+In the Antarctical Zonio.
%
Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
@@ -10559,8 +10151,6 @@
stupid.
-- Hedy Lamarr
%
-Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
-%
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
%
Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche --
@@ -11454,9 +11044,6 @@
lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
-- Christopher Hampton
%
-Ass, n.:
- The masculine of "lass".
-%
Assembly language experience is [important] for the maturity
and understanding of how computers work that it provides.
-- D. Gries
@@ -12039,11 +11626,6 @@
basket!"
-- Mark Twain
%
-Behold the unborn foetus and
- Weep salt tears crocodilian;
-All life is sacred (save, of course,
- An enemy civilian).
-%
Behold the warranty -- the bold print
giveth and the fine print taketh away.
%
@@ -12465,8 +12047,6 @@
get the better even of their blunders.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
-Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
-%
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
-- Herbert Hoover
%
@@ -13648,9 +13228,6 @@
plays with elves!
-- Elmo and Patsy, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
%
-Christ:
- A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
-%
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him.
%
Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
@@ -13736,8 +13313,6 @@
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
%
-Cleanliness is next to impossible.
-%
CLEVELAND:
Where their last tornado did six
million dollars worth of improvements.
@@ -13878,9 +13453,6 @@
-- G. K. Chesterton
%
Cold, adj.:
- When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
-%
-Cold, adj.:
When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own
pockets.
%
@@ -14172,7 +13744,7 @@
than the estimate the job will cost.
%
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
Concept, n.:
Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
@@ -14632,8 +14204,6 @@
The city that chose Astroturf to
keep the cheerleaders from grazing.
%
-Dallas still lives. God MUST be dead.
-%
Dammit Jim, I'm an actor not a doctor.
%
Dammit, man, that's unprofessional! A good bartender laughs anyway!
@@ -14896,14 +14466,6 @@
correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
%
Dear Miss Manners:
- Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from
-your face.
-
-Gentle Reader:
- Please list some decent ways of acquiring a man's saliva on
-your face ...
-%
-Dear Miss Manners:
I carry a big black umbrella, even if there's just a thirty percent chance of
rain. May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection?
This morning, I was waiting for a bus in comparative comfort, my umbrella
@@ -15525,8 +15087,6 @@
Do I like getting drunk? Depends on who's doing the drinking.
-- Amy Gorin
%
-Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
-%
Do Miami a favor. When you leave, take someone with you.
%
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
@@ -15533,8 +15093,6 @@
%
Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
%
-Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
-%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
%
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
@@ -16019,10 +15577,6 @@
%
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
%
-Dope will get you through times of no money better that money will get
-you through times of no dope.
- -- Gilbert Shelton
-%
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know. But some people without brains do an
awful lot of talking, don't they?
@@ -19569,12 +19123,6 @@
the mail carefully, although there won't be anything good
in it today, either.
%
-GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
- You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
-because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much
-for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for
-committing incest.
-%
GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
Good news and bad news highlighted. Enjoy the good news while you
can; the bad news will make you forget it. You will enjoy praise
@@ -19989,8 +19537,6 @@
would he lie about a thing like that?
-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
%
-God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
-%
God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to
change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
%
@@ -20021,8 +19567,6 @@
%
God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
%
-God is a polytheist.
-%
God is Dead.
-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead.
@@ -20059,8 +19603,6 @@
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
-- Kronecker
%
-God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
-%
God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
-- Albert Einstein
%
@@ -20162,10 +19704,6 @@
%
Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.
%
-Good advice is something a man gives
-when he is too old to set a bad example.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
-%
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
%
Good day for business affairs.
@@ -20232,7 +19770,7 @@
Goodbye, cool world.
%
Goose pimples rose all over me, my hair stood on end, my eyes filled with
-tears of love and gratitude for this greatest of all conquerers of human
+tears of love and gratitude for this greatest of all conquerors of human
misery and shame, and my breath came in little gasps. If I had not known
that the Leader would have scorned such adulation, I might have fallen to
my knees in unashamed worship, but instead I drew myself to attention, raised
@@ -20361,8 +19899,6 @@
%
Gravity brings me down.
%
-Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
-%
Gray's Law of Programming:
'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be
accomplished in the same time as 'n' tasks.
@@ -20445,13 +19981,6 @@
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mudslide.
-- Johnny Carson
%
-Grover Cleveland, though constantly at loggerheads with the Senate, got on
-better with the House of Representatives. A popular story circulating
-during his presidency concerned the night he was roused by his wife crying,
-"Wake up! I think there are burglars in the house."
- "No, no, my dear," said the president sleepily, "in the Senate
-maybe, but not in the House."
-%
Growing old isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
-- Maurice Chevalier
%
@@ -21820,8 +21349,6 @@
Hindsight is always 20:20.
-- Billy Wilder
%
-Hindsight is an exact science.
-%
Hippogriff, n.:
An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half
@@ -22020,8 +21547,6 @@
they have to take you in.
-- Robert Frost, "The Death of the Hired Man"
%
-Home is where the hurt is.
-%
Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a
cage is to a cockatoo.
-- George Bernard Shaw
@@ -25104,7 +24629,7 @@
enlightenment
%
IBM:
- [Internation Business Machines Corp.] Also known as Itty Bitty
+ [International Business Machines Corp.] Also known as Itty Bitty
Machines or The Lawyer's Friend. The dominant force in computer
marketing, having supplied worldwide some 75% of all known hardware
and 10% of all software. To protect itself from the litigious envy
@@ -25264,9 +24789,6 @@
%
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
%
-If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing their hair. If this doesn't
-work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
-%
If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y
is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut.
-- Albert Einstein
@@ -25447,8 +24969,6 @@
blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his
tail. He's been recently fixed. Answers to "Lucky".
%
-If anything can go wrong, it will.
-%
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
%
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
@@ -25528,7 +25048,9 @@
%
If everybody minded their own business, the world would go
around a deal faster.
- -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
+ -- The Duchess; Lewis Carroll,
+ "Through the Looking-Glass,
+ and What Alice Found There" (1871)
%
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
%
@@ -25857,8 +25379,6 @@
%
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
%
-If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
-%
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
%
If it's worth doing, do it for money.
@@ -26295,9 +25815,6 @@
If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
-- Ernest Hemingway
%
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
-%
If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely.
%
If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
@@ -26429,9 +25946,6 @@
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
-- J. Paul Getty
%
-If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
-theirs, then you clearly don't understand the situation.
-%
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
%
If you can not say it, you can not whistle it, either.
@@ -26725,9 +26239,6 @@
be married to a man who cheats on his wife.
-- Ann Landers
%
-If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody
-in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments.
-%
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
-- Schmidt
%
@@ -28076,7 +27587,7 @@
%
In the misfortune of our friends we find something that is not
displeasing to us.
- -- La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims"
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims"
%
In the next world, you're on your own.
%
@@ -28884,8 +28395,6 @@
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
-- Alfred Adler
%
-It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-%
It is easier to make a saint out of a libertine than out of a prig.
-- George Santayana
%
@@ -29034,7 +28543,7 @@
%
It is not enough to have great qualities,
we should also have the management of them.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
-- Publilius Syrus
@@ -29546,9 +29055,6 @@
%
It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
%
-It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
- -- Alex Clark
-%
It's amazing how many people you could be friends
with if only they'd make the first approach.
%
@@ -30044,10 +29550,6 @@
Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
%
-Jesus Saves,
-Moses Invests,
-But only Buddha pays Dividends.
-%
Jim, it's Grace at the bank. I checked your Christmas Club account.
You don't have five-hundred dollars. You have fifty. Sorry, computer foul-up!
%
@@ -30471,10 +29973,6 @@
A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval
traditions of sorcery and black art.
%
-Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
- Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
-and parking for the faculty.
-%
Kettering's Observation:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%
@@ -31275,13 +30773,6 @@
for filthy lucre and a decent meal. Be gracious and polite. Someone
is watching you, so stop staring like that.
%
-LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
- You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
- reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
- Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most
- Libra women are prostitutes. All Libra people die of venereal
- disease.
-%
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Major achievements, new friends, and a previously unexplored way
to make a lot of money will come to a lot of people today, but
@@ -32229,9 +31720,6 @@
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the
repairman arrives.
%
-Macho, adj.:
- Jogging home from your vasectomy.
-%
Macho does not prove mucho.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
%
@@ -32880,8 +32368,6 @@
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
-- Henry Adams
%
-Mathematicians take it to the limit.
-%
Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts
to each other without consideration of their relation to experience.
-- Albert Einstein
@@ -32992,10 +32478,6 @@
When traveling with a herd of elephants,
don't be the first to lie down and rest.
%
-McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
- If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not
-$19.95.
-%
Meader's Law:
Whatever happens to you, it will previously
have happened to everyone you know, only more so.
@@ -33890,12 +33372,6 @@
%
Murphy was an optimist.
%
-Murphy's Discovery:
- Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to
-women? They say, "Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything
-will be all right." And what happens? Nine months later, you're in
-trouble!
-%
Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
%
Murphy's Law of Research:
@@ -34360,8 +33836,6 @@
Nature abhors a virgin -- a frozen asset.
-- Clare Booth Luce
%
-Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
-%
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.
@@ -34554,9 +34028,6 @@
%
Never give an inch!
%
-Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- -- Erma Bombeck
-%
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller, "Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints"
%
@@ -34733,8 +34204,6 @@
time to get one is lengthening rapidly. Experts predict that at this
rate there will soon be an up to a one year wait.
%
-New systems generate new problems.
-%
New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his
age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
@@ -34914,9 +34383,6 @@
no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman.
-- Landor
%
-No good deed goes unpunished.
- -- Clare Boothe Luce
-%
No group of professionals meets except to
conspire against the public at large.
-- Mark Twain
@@ -35212,10 +34678,6 @@
No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!
-- Sherlock Holmes
%
-No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether
-she will or will not be a mother.
- -- Margaret H. Sanger
-%
No woman can endure a gambling husband, unless he is a steady winner.
-- Lord Thomas Robert Dewar
%
@@ -36325,9 +35787,9 @@
%
Old mail has arrived.
%
-Old men are fond of giving good advice to console
-themselves for their inability to set a bad example.
- -- La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims"
+Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for being
+no longer in a position to give bad examples.
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims"
%
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor daughter a dress.
@@ -36586,25 +36048,6 @@
The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
hit you.
%
-Once upon a time, when I was training to be a mathematician, a group of
-us bright young students taking number theory discovered the names of
-the smaller prime numbers.
-
-2: The Odd Prime --
- It's the only even prime, therefore it's odd. QED.
-3: The True Prime --
- Lewis Carroll: "If I tell you three times, it's true."
-31: The Arbitrary Prime --
- Determined by unanimous unvote. We needed an arbitrary prime
- in case the prof asked for one, and so had an election. 91
- received the most votes (well, it *looks* prime) and 3+4i the
- next most. However, 31 was the only candidate to receive none
- at all.
-
-Since the composite numbers are formed from primes, their qualities are
-derived from those primes. So, for instance, the number 6 is "odd but
-true", while the powers of 2 are all extremely odd numbers.
-%
Once upon this midnight incoherent,
While you pondered sentient and crystalline,
Over many a broken and subordinate
@@ -37751,8 +37194,6 @@
%
People are unconditionally guaranteed to be full of defects.
%
-People don't change; they only become more so.
-%
People don't usually make the same mistake twice -- they make it three
times, four time, five times...
%
@@ -38145,10 +37586,6 @@
-- Kilgore Trout (Philip J. Farmer) "Venus on the Half
Shell"
%
-PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP:
- What develops when two people get
- tired of making love to each other.
-%
Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill
them.
%
@@ -38642,8 +38079,6 @@
into error messages. tr.v. To engage in a pastime similar to banging
one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
%
-Programmers do it bit by bit.
-%
Programmers used to batch environments may find it hard to live
without giant listings; we would find it hard to use them.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
@@ -41606,9 +41041,6 @@
Sex is like pizza -- when it's good, it's great; and when it's bad,
it's still darn tasty!
%
-Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
- -- Swami X
-%
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are
unimportant.
-- Henry Miller
@@ -42433,7 +41865,7 @@
Some of them want to use you,
Some of them want to be used by you,
...Everybody's looking for something.
- -- Eurythmics
+ -- Eurythmics, "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)"
%
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
-- Gloria Steinem
@@ -44432,8 +43864,6 @@
%
The bigger the theory the better.
%
-The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
-%
The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.
-- Merrick Furst
%
@@ -44584,9 +44014,6 @@
The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
at the steam fitters' picnic.
%
-The chief cause of problems is solutions.
- -- Eric Sevareid
-%
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
-- Alfred Adler
%
@@ -45021,8 +44448,6 @@
and owns the worm farm.
-- Travis McGee
%
-The early worm gets the bird.
-%
The early worm gets the late bird.
%
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
@@ -47592,8 +47017,6 @@
The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
-- David Lardner
%
-The plural of spouse is spice.
-%
The Poems, all three hundred of them,
may be summed up in one of their phrases:
"Let our thoughts be correct".
@@ -48957,9 +48380,6 @@
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
-- George Gobel
%
-The whole world is about three drinks behind.
- -- Humphrey Bogart
-%
The wind doth taste so bitter sweet,
Like Jaspar wine and sugar,
It must have blown through someone's feet,
@@ -50399,8 +49819,8 @@
There's nothing like a girl with a plunging
neckline to keep a man on his toes.
%
-There's nothing like a good does of another woman to make a man appreciate
-his wife.
+There's nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man
+appreciate his wife.
-- Clare Booth Luce
%
There's nothing like good food, good wine, and a bad girl.
@@ -50646,8 +50066,6 @@
Nah, it's only a theory - I don't think it should be taught in schools.
%
-Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
-%
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
%
Things past redress and now with me past care.
@@ -52721,13 +52139,6 @@
in relation to a bigger problem.
-- P. D. Ouspensky
%
-Unfair animal names:
-
--- tsetse fly -- bullhead
--- booby -- duck-billed platypus
--- sapsucker -- Clarence
- -- Gary Larson
-%
UNFAIR COMPETITION:
Selling cheaper than we do.
%
@@ -53076,7 +52487,7 @@
-- Confucius
%
Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
Visit beautiful Vergas Minnesota.
%
@@ -53450,9 +52861,6 @@
The order is not insignificant.
-- Poul Henningsen (1894-1967)
%
-We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
- -- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988
-%
We are what we are.
%
We are what we pretend to be.
@@ -53550,7 +52958,7 @@
-- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission
%
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
We gotta get out of this place,
If it's the last thing we ever do.
@@ -53775,7 +53183,7 @@
%
We only acknowledge small faults in order
to make it appear that we are free from great ones.
- -- La Rochefoucauld
+ -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%
We ought to be very grateful that we have tools. Millions of years ago
people did not have them, and home projects were extremely difficult.
@@ -54861,8 +54269,6 @@
around the moon it would not make a pennyworth of difference to me or my work.
-- Sherlock Holmes, "A Study in Scarlet"
%
-What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
-%
What the hell is it good for?
-- Robert Lloyd (engineer of the Advanced Computing Systems
Division of IBM), to colleagues who insisted that the
@@ -55714,9 +55120,6 @@
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
about themselves.
%
-When the candles are out all women are fair.
- -- Plutarch
-%
When the cup is full, carry it level.
%
When the doubt vanishes and the issue becomes evident, stupidity reigns.
@@ -55728,9 +55131,6 @@
When the fog came in on little cat feet last night, it left these little
muddy paw prints on the hood of my car.
%
-When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
- -- Lynch
-%
When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
-- Jon Carroll
%
@@ -56341,10 +55741,6 @@
%
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
%
-White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
-so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall. That way, by the
-time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
-%
Whitehead's Law:
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
%
@@ -58151,9 +57547,6 @@
You can move the world with an idea,
but you have to think of it first.
%
-You can never do just one thing.
- -- Hardin
-%
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
%
You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
Property changes on: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
___________________________________________________________________
Added: svn:keywords
## -0,0 +1 ##
+MidnightBSD=%H
\ No newline at end of property
Modified: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes.sp.ok
===================================================================
--- trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes.sp.ok 2018-07-18 01:01:49 UTC (rev 11901)
+++ trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes.sp.ok 2018-07-18 01:05:25 UTC (rev 11902)
@@ -1,1977 +1,4469 @@
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Justin
-KLUDGE
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Kabotschniks
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Kan
Kandel
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Kari
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Kasner
Kasspe
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Kauffmann
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Kaul
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Keate
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Kehlog
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Keir
Kellen
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Kempson
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Kenobi
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Kerwin
Kesey
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Kiernan
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Kinkler's
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Kistomerces
Kitman
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Kitzenger
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Klingons
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Klone
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Knebel
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Knuth
Ko
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Kool
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Korda
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Kr
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Krispies
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Krogt
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Kulawiec
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Lackland's
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Lactomangulation
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Laetrile
Lafferty
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Lampson
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Langsam's
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Lankhmar
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Lapham
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Lardner
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Larkinson's
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Lazlo's
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Lebowitz
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Leedom
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Lehrer
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Leibe
Leiber
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Leith
Lem
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Lenore
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Lettvin
Levant
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Leverett
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Libra
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Lichty
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Lieberman's
Liebling
Liebowitz
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Lilla
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Linkletter
Lippmann
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Liza
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Logg's
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Logicians
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Longworth
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Lookit
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Lovin
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Lowery's
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Ltd
Lubarsky's
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Luce
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Ludcke
Luddites
Luigi
Lumsden
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Luten
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Lyndon
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Lysistrata
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Mabbitt
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MacDowell
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MacKay
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MacNelley
MacNiece
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Macy's
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Madelyn
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Magee
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Magnocartic
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Mahabharata
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Mahatma
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Mai
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Malek's
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Mammel
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Mandrell
Manhandling
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Mankiewicz
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Marley
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Maryel
Mascheroni
Maslow
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Mathis
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Maud
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Maxey
Maxson
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McCloctnik
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McEvoy
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McLuhan
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McNulty
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Medawar
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Meese
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Meir
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Melott
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Mem'ry
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Mencken
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Mengot
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Merrick
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Metz
Mewling
Meyrowitz
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Mia
Michener
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Mikado
Miksch's
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Milkbone
Millay
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Millman
Milpitas
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Minas
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Minnelli
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Mitgong
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Moby
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Mohandas
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Mom
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Mongo
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Montagu
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Moping
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Mordor
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Morrisey
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Mosher's
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Mudgeeraba
Mudhead
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Muhammad
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Muppet
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Murdoch
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Mustgo
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Myung
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Nasrudin
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Nate
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Nather
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Neantical
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Neizant
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Nesbitt
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Ngdanga
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Nicklaus
Nicol
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Niels
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Nikita
Niklaus
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Ningauble
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Noelie
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Nome
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Nora's
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Novocain
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Nutley
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O'Casey
O'Hara
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O'Neil
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O'Rourke
O'Toole's
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Obi
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Ogborn
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Olivier
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Omar
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Onan
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Ope
Ophelia
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Orac
Orben
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Orson
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Ozman's
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-PDGERS
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-PROCESSORs
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Paar
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Padlipsky
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Paley
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Pandanga
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Pardo's
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Parnas
Parnell
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Parrafin
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Patageometry
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Pecor's
Pedaeration
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Pegler
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Pensacoola
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Penzance
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Pereant
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Perlis
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Petr
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Philbin
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Phooey
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Picninnies
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Plaese
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Pocataligo
Pocatello
Podunk
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Polanski
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Poul
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Presley
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Prue
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Psblurtex
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Quidquid
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Quinton
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Radner
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Raskin
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Reba
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Redd
Regan
Reggie
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Reisner's
Relaxen
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Renner
Renning's
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Richardian
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Robb
Robespierre
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Royko
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Rubik's
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Rudin's
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Ruffed
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Rukn
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Rupert
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-nylglutaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalylalanylprolyiso
-nylhistidylleucylvalylalanyllysylleucylysylglutamyltyrosylasparaginylalanylala
-nylleucylisoleucylarginylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolythreonylisoleucylprolyli
-nylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylserylalanylpro
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-sylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenylalanylvalyglutaminylproly
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-ylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolyl
-yo
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-zayda
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Property changes on: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes.sp.ok
___________________________________________________________________
Added: svn:keywords
## -0,0 +1 ##
+MidnightBSD=%H
\ No newline at end of property
Modified: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
===================================================================
--- trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick 2018-07-18 01:01:49 UTC (rev 11901)
+++ trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick 2018-07-18 01:05:25 UTC (rev 11902)
@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@
%% Copyright David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all rights reserved,
%% used with permission of the author.
%%
-%%\xA9 This is the copyright line.
+%%© This is the copyright line.
%%Eighty-nine is the year we assign.
%% These verses are caroled
%% by one David Gerrold.
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@
I have written some limericks quite fateful,
malicious and vicious and hateful;
but I've torn up the jokes
- that will sicken most folks,
+ that would sicken most folks,
and humanity ought to be grateful.
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
@@ -215,7 +215,7 @@
%
There was a young lady quite tearful.
Of sucking a cock, she was fearful.
- In a moment of dreard,
+ In a moment of dread,
she just turned her head.
And, boy! Did she get an earful!
@@ -499,7 +499,7 @@
a maiden who lived on South Gower,
(The truth is, he spread
her legs wide on the bed,
-and finsihed her off in an hour.)
+and finished her off in an hour.)
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
@@ -531,15 +531,6 @@
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
%
-I have written some limericks quite fateful,
-malicious and vicious and hateful;
- but I've torn up the jokes
- that would sicken most folks,
-and humanity ought ot be grateful;
-
-From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
-rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
-%
Here's the tale of Benjamin Sneed:
Where others were two'd he was three'd
and when they unmasked it,
@@ -552,7 +543,7 @@
A maiden who had a third breast
always kept her hand close to her chest,
and I promised her well
- that I never woudl tell.
+ that I never would tell.
(Write me privately. Name on request.)
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
@@ -741,7 +732,7 @@
Just get the straps and the slings and a shipment
of high-grade Vaseline,
and a strong trampoline,
-and allof the other equipment!"
+and all of the other equipment!"
"Now, when we get all the bedsprings a-drummin',
that's when I'll start in a-hummin',
@@ -769,7 +760,7 @@
%
The speed of Ed's seed is unclocked
whenever a lady's unfrocked.
- Tho' his spirit is willin,
+ Tho' his spirit is willin',
when a pussy needs fillin',
he's a man who goes off half-cocked.
@@ -815,7 +806,7 @@
A king who was mad at the time,
decreed limerick writing a crime.
but late in the night
- all the poets woudl write
+ all the poets would write
verses without any rhyme or meter.
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
Property changes on: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
___________________________________________________________________
Deleted: svn:executable
## -1 +0,0 ##
-*
\ No newline at end of property
Added: svn:keywords
## -0,0 +1 ##
+MidnightBSD=%H
\ No newline at end of property
Modified: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
===================================================================
--- trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick 2018-07-18 01:01:49 UTC (rev 11901)
+++ trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick 2018-07-18 01:05:25 UTC (rev 11902)
@@ -260,7 +260,7 @@
%
A dulcet-voiced callgirl named Shedd,
Who's cultured, well-spoken, well-bred,
- Had achieved some reknown
+ Had achieved some renown
For her tone going down--
There's a nice civil tongue in her head.
%
@@ -307,7 +307,7 @@
By bleeding all over his face.
%
A gay young prince from Morocco
-Made love in a manner rococco.
+Made love in a manner rococo.
He painted his penis
To resemble a Venus
And flavored his semen with cocoa.
Property changes on: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
___________________________________________________________________
Added: svn:keywords
## -0,0 +1 ##
+MidnightBSD=%H
\ No newline at end of property
Added: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick.sp.ok
===================================================================
--- trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick.sp.ok (rev 0)
+++ trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick.sp.ok 2018-07-18 01:05:25 UTC (rev 11902)
@@ -0,0 +1,462 @@
+# $MidnightBSD$
+abbess's
+Abercrombie
+Aberystwyth
+acrost
+Aden
+Ades
+Alsace
+altera
+Amphigorey
+anatomies
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+Annie's
+Annista
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+archeologist
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+ARPAnaut
+arsehole
+astonishment's
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+backsides
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+Baroda
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+itchez
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+organed
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+Penzance
+pink'un
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+Shittlecock
+shitty
+shootin
+shrewder
+Siegel
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+Slatey
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+spikey
+Spitzbergen
+Sprotic
+Spyder
+Stamboul
+Stillson
+Streator
+Strensall
+strewed
+stroda
+Suki
+Susiasm
+Sweenies
+Swoboda
+T'was
+Tagore
+Tante
+tapeworm'll
+Terminus's
+testicularum
+thing's
+Thrace
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+Tiffan
+tis
+titted
+titties
+Tobruk
+tooty
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+tous
+Trans
+Trasket
+trifurcated
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+Tupps
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+vaginoid
+Vassar
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+Vesuvial
+Virginny
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+Voulait
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+Wubley
+Wylde
+ylbatrofmoc
+yontiff
+Yoric
+Yost
+yourselfer
+Zerubbabel
+Zerubbabub
+Zug
Property changes on: trunk/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick.sp.ok
___________________________________________________________________
Added: svn:keywords
## -0,0 +1 ##
+MidnightBSD=%H
\ No newline at end of property
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